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Sunday, 16 February 2014

Trials We Face As Readers

The other day there, something hit me. It was something that happens nearly every time I read a book. If I vlogged, then this post might have been funnier, but since every time I try to vlog I get overcome with undiluted fear and I see lots of faces behind the camera watching, I tend not to. But hopefully you'll enjoy this and relate to it, cause if you don't then it's likely I'll be locked in a padded cell.

I wanted to share my list of the trials that we face during reading. Now you're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about, so I'm going to start with something everyone can relate to, and my thought process when it happens.



Food

You know when you start one of your most anticipated books, and suddenly, the characters have to eat? Well here is my thought process when that happens:

The Book: And the characters all sat down and had a lovely feast. The main character particularly enjoyed a succulent steak.
My thoughts: Hmmmmm..... Steak........
The Book: After, the characters marched off to fight in a war to end all wars.
My thoughts: Hmmmmm....... Steak......
The Book: Your favourite characters are now dead.
My thoughts: I think I have steak somewhere.

Is anyone else afflicted with this? I hate it!! One minute I'm deeply engrossed in a wonderful book, I'm laughing and crying and then suddenly: FOOD.
Damn food! Damn it to hell for interrupting my beautiful book!! Do characters have to eat?

Toilet Time

This is like my second pet hate. You're enveloped in a magical land, you're so connected to it, when suddenly, as Pokémon says, *A wild pee has attacked you!* (Edit, several years on from this post: Don't worry, I'm cringing at these old posts as well, folks.)
Well, crap.
Then you toss and turn and almost burst into tears because suddenly the thought of leaving your book and heading to the toilet is just unacceptable, you cannot do it. Here are the thoughts on THAT one:

Bladder: Ho Hoooo, I see you are extremely attached right now, PEE TIME!!
My thoughts: No! Please! Just a few more chapters, this is really important.
Bladder: No! Now!
The Book: Don't leave me! Listen to me!
Bladder: Me!

That's generally how it goes. Oh crap, I really do see white-padded mental asylum cells in my future. Well, lets just hope not. Does this happen to you? I can't be the only one. My own body is working against me.

People

My number one pet hate. When someone wants you. Just by 'happenstance' this person needs you just as you pick the book up. I face this a lot living with my parents (yes, I need to move out, that is the plan) but my mum loves doing this.

Mum: I need you, it's important!
Me: *Grumble* Okay, coming.
Mum: What date is it today?
Me: *Stunned silence*

Not only that, but as soon as you leave, get comfy and pick up your book. Suddenly, there is a new apocalypse that has broken out. AHHHHHH.


I guess you could say that I should be committed, but if you go through the same trials, let me know! I am lonely! Plus, if you have anything different that gets in your way when you read, let me know, I'd love to hear it. I hope you enjoyed this blog my friends. Thank You.


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2 comments:

  1. Can I get an amen?! I also hate it when I'm diving into this new world, enthralled and mesmerized, and suddenly one of my friends begins texting me as if they've been shot. Why?
    This is why book nerds don't have friends in real life.

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    Replies
    1. Amen! I am with you. Especially the ' OMG! I have something you need to know!!! ' texts. Then you find out this urgent message is just the fact that the sun is in the sky.

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